It’s been nearly 10 years since my family and I started fighting for legality in this country. Progress has been made; however, there are days that feel like for every obstacle we overcome, many more are made. I try to be grateful for the fact that despite my circumstances God has allowed me to make it so far, but at the same time there are many circumstances that cause me to feel stagnant. I think of the things I didn’t get to do through my college career due to my status. I think of the things I still haven’t gotten the chance to experience because of the same thing, and that’s extremely disheartening. Living with fear, constantly having to adapt, and trying to succeed when the odds are literally stacked against you isn’t easy. But I do believe God has a plan.

Latinos are so driven and loving that they would risk their lives to find a way to give their loved ones a better future. They would work so hard for so little, because that little bit is often times more than anyone else in their family ever had, and with the little we receive we still manage to create so much. We are the embodiment of determination, sacrifice, tenacity, and love.

Depression can take many shapes and forms. It can look like anything, and that’s the scary part about it. Just cause someone looks like they have their shit together doesn’t mean they have their shit together. We truly don’t know what people are tackling internally in their daily lives, so why are we so quick to judge? 

There’s a lot of negative portrayal of my people in the media. Cause of course the narrative they are trying to push is one that just emphasizes the stereotypes and stigmas. So let me clear things up for you and tell you what being Black really is.

I find it funny how from a young age we are made to pledge allegiance to a country that doesn’t even consider us allies. Stand up for a country that won’t stand for us. And when I say “us”, they know who “us” is.

This isn’t a new topic in my work. And as much as I don’t want it to be, it’s becoming more frequent. "Land of the free and home of the brave", and that’s only partially true to people of color because we definitely aren’t free. Not even free to express ourselves or learn our history. But we for sure are brave. Brave enough to stand up for what we believe in and fight for our voices to be heard.

Yo soy Garifuna, I am Garifuna. But there’s been several instances when I question my own identity due to my lack of knowledge. I know that not knowing my native tongue doesn’t make me any less native, but that doesn’t stop the jokes, or the tease, or the shame of being the reason your tongue might go extinct. “How are you Garifuna and don’t know the language?”. My parents who grew up surrounded by it ask me, their son who didn’t. This is me reaching out to you my precious tongue, this is me trying to get to know you. But not because others are telling me I should, but because I want to.

Remember when you were in middle school or highschool and you used to just mix words together? Well, this is exactly that. But it’s not just a mix of words, it's my lifestyle.

“Men don’t cry”, “men are providers”, “men are meant to be strong”. Are men not human too? Who’s to say that emotions are exclusive to one gender? Why is that the narrative we push? It is ok, to not be ok, and that goes for everyone. Suffering isn’t mutually exclusive, but the support that is shown is usually only accessible to one group. And that just ain’t right.

I wrote this poem for my Latinx Poetry Now class at Notre Dame. We were tasked with looking at an image and writing a poem inspired by it. The cover photo for this poem was the image I was given and “Problematic Emotions” is the poem that came from it. I was tackling a lot at the time and didn’t have many people to open up to due to the stigma of men having to be tough. I debated publishing this poem, but it seems to be pretty relevant in my life once again and to those I’ve shared it with said they can relate. To those reading this and the poem, please know that you matter, that your emotions matter, your feelings are valid, and you are not alone.

Not every day is going to be a good day, that’s the reality of life. But just know that you don’t have to go through the bad days on your own. The suicide rate has risen by 16% from 2011 to 2022, moving from 12.3 to 14.4 deaths per 100,000 individuals. One of the causes of that is people feeling alone and abandoned, but no one is alone. The storm will pass, and if you can’t handle it on your own, reach out to someone. Because you matter, and you deserve to be here.

To say we are living in futuristic times our actions show that we are either stuck in the past or traveling back to it. People claim racism is gone, and that white privilege isn't a thing. But those claims are just that, claims, empty words because the actions show otherwise. The United States, “the land of the free, home of the brave”, has always catered to white Americans, and if you don’t think that’s the case. This poem is for you.

I didn’t get in touch with my blackness until I came to the United States. All I knew was my Latino community, all I knew is that I was Latino and that’s it. I did not know what Afro-Latino was until high school because of the erasure of blackness in the Latino community. The erasure is so bad to the point that my mother didn’t know what Afro-Latino was until I was in high school. I am part of both worlds, I’ve seen the good and the bad of both worlds, which is why when you see me, I am representing both worlds.

Mental health is no joke, depression is a very serious topic. However, they are so taboo amongst the Black and Latino community. I have been depressed to the point where I feel hopeless and abandoned, to the point where I’ve taken it out on my body, to the point where throwing in the towel seems like the best solution. I am still battling depression and I hate it. That feeling of loneliness, of hopelessness, is extremely unpleasant and I know it all too well, which is why I try to be there for others. Because sometimes all it takes is one person to make a change, and I wouldn’t wish those feelings on anyone. Mental health might be an uncomfortable topic, but it’s about time we get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.

This poem is a great reflection of my sorrows. Also written while I was going through a heartbreak, “Done”, illustrates my fear of starting over. This poem illustrates my fear of opening up again, my fear of being vulnerable again, and my fear of trusting someone again. Because every time I had in the past it ended poorly, it ended with them shattering me and then leaving me to pick up the pieces alone. I know I’m young, and I know this feeling in time will pass. But the uncertainty of things frightens me, “opening up and being vulnerable don’t guarantee that I would stay”. That’s what I was told, and they’re right. But what’s the point of me opening up if you’re just going to leave?

Throughout several stages of my life, I’ve felt used. My poem “Conditional” highlights some of these feelings. The thing is, I know my worth, I know that I deserve unconditional love, and I know I deserve someone who will give me the same energy and effort I give them, I know these things. But, for someone reason I still let people take me for granted. I end up being a pawn, bettering them while I’m breaking. Helping them grow for someone else. Just a tool, nothing more.

Latinos are one of the hardest workers in the world and we still get called lazy by the media. We are treated as less than human for being immigrants in the United States, even though we helped build the country. There’s a lot of stigma and discrimination against Latinos and I am tired of it. I am tired of the unfair treatment, I am tired of seeing my people suffer, I am tired of being scrutinized just because I am Latino. Mi gente es fuerte, we are strong, and we will continue to persevere no matter what.

Humanity is going through rough times. Suicide rates are extremely high, police brutality doesn’t seem to be decreasing, women's suffrage is ongoing, freedom of speech is nonexistent, discrimination has barely improved, wars are still being fought, and not enough is being done about these things.

Throughout my life, I have given unconditional love, but I don’t think I’ve received the same. I am always the one going out of my way for others, sacrificing things for others, and putting my own issues on the back burner for others. But no one ever does that for me, why? Do I not deserve it? Am I not worth it?

Life is going to be full of trials and tribulations. You have the choice to either keep going or give up. You have the choice to either love or hate. You have the choice to either let your hardships break you down or let them motivate you to become the best version of yourself. In life you have choices. In life, there are multiple sides to everything, and whatever side you want to focus on is up to you.